Chris Michael KirkAt a wedding on Saturday, my eyes landed on a brochure with the word “Condoms” emblazoned across its cover. I couldn’t resist. In the next few moments I learned many things that I did not know before, leaving me more fearful than ever of the Trojan Man. Here are a few highlights for you:
“Kids are dying because of condoms.”
“There is no disease out there called “virgin-itis.”
“Kids can’t get pregnant from chastity.”
I wasn’t really surprised to find something like this in a church in rural Kansas. But, I was really taken aback by the blatant, distorted propaganda. In part, they have somewhat of a point. Condoms are limited in their effectiveness (although the 30 percent failure rate they quote I believe is a bit exaggerated) and the only way to be completely sure you will not get pregnant is to avoid intercourse altogether. But, there is so much more to this story.
I grew up with the “No Sex Till Marriage” dogma taught loudly alongside Nancy Reagan’s, “Just Say No to Drugs.” I was taught all the reasons why sex was wrong. But, I missed out on a much bigger picture about sex, choices, sexuality, and the whole person. I ended up with a distorted view about many things which took me years to work through.
Demonizing sex or pretending it doesn’t exist does not prepare people for the broad issue of sexual choices they will make in their lifetimes. I don’t want my response to my children to be a sports shoe slogan: “Just Don’t Do It.” I want to be able to discuss openly issues of sexuality and the choices that we make in a way that affirms the beauty of sexuality, prepares them to make wise choices, and enables them to cut through much of the baggage.
We can do better than a brochure which ridicules condoms as both a heinous evil and a ridiculously stupid idea (aka con-dumbs). Yes, abstinence is a good thing, but it’s not the whole story. Condoms are not the whole answer, but neither is abstinence. We need to engage in broad solution-finding to give our young people the perspective they need to make informed decisions.
Many people, even most people, choose to have sex before marriage. Failing to educate them about contraception is not a moral stance It is an arrogant, act of neglect. The true dumb con is to place improbable standards on the masses and laugh when they reap the consequences. We can do better.
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5 Comments
FYI…the World Health Organization states the failure rate of condoms in preventing pregnancy (with typical use) is about 10-14%.
I’ve believe a 15% failure rate (of preventing pregnancy) is generally accepted in the medical community.
Sounds accurate to me. The question is would we rather our children have an 85% chance of avoiding pregnancy and disease or proceed with no protection at all. We can argue that abstinence is 100% effective, but abstinence is a choice. What if they choose not to be abstinent?
For example, the best way for us to have optimum health would be to eat an organic, vegetarian diet of simplicity. Yet many choose to eat things like hamburgers, cheesecake, and friend oreos (these are delicious). Should we make it an all or nothing, or should we teach people about moderation and healthy choices?
I’m really enjoying reading through your notes, Chris! I agree with you. I’ve observed (through my incredibly un-scientific study) that a lot more Christian kids wind up pregnant, or getting someone pregnant, before they graduate high school than the ones with parents who talk to them about sex. Wow, that was a long sentence…. but a true one, I think!
Education about sex before marriage is an issue, and at the end of the day it is a personal decision! Its a hard decision to make, but has impacts down the rest of your life!!!
http://virginspiration.wordpress.com
Virgins Unite. I love it. Can I get that on a t-shirt? I agree that sexual choice is a personal decision and that it is the responsibility of parents, teachers, and faith communities to educate young people about the choices available. However, I would argue that the impact of the “True Love Waits” strategy, may potentially be just as damaging to the individual as the person who teaches about sex being okay as long as one uses proper contraception. I’m arguing here for a balanced approach where neither condoms nor abstinence are attacked, but where all are presented as options in sexual choice. Thanks for the comment.
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